You’ve made it lads, just. You’ve survived the horrendous ordeal of Christmas Day with the family. The wry smiles and eyebrow raises as Tyson Fury, Donald Trump and Luigi Mangione are STILL topics of conversation round the dinner table. Sat there struggling through it like Steve Bruce at a press conference. Or, rather waking up in the spare bed and going downstairs acting like the video below after saying something ever so slightly controversial to the in-laws caused by a few too many beers. Something that you don’t fully remember, but, also you know you did. The beers just go down a lot quicker and easier when they’re free and on tap in someone else’s fridge, don’t they?

Right then, you made it to the pub yet? If not, why not?! You aren’t welcome at home and there’s nothing wrong with drinking alone for the early kick-off whilst the more normal folk go about their morning.

Time Wasting Goal-Keepers?

It’s one of the better dopamine hits in betting on football, a goalkeeper prone to a bit of shithousery getting booked for kicking his posts with his studs, picking the ball up and taking the kick from the other side of the six-yard-box, you get the drift. Who are the likely candidates to be Delaying The Restart on Boxing Day?

JORDAN PICKFORD

England and Everton shot-stopper Jordan Pickford is best priced at (13/2) to be booked. It’s probably too short to be taking on it’s own but you’d imagine the only way he gets booked is if Everton are holding on to a win or happy with a draw late in the second-half. Having said that, he’s been booked in both of his last 2 appearances. Both 0-0 draws vs. Arsenal (77th minute yellow card) and Chelsea (46th minute yellow card) respectively. Can lightning strike for a 3rd successive time? Can Man City keep a clean sheet? Is Pep finished? Will I ever stop typing in rhetorical questions? Who knows? Did I engage the reader? Is my English Language teacher proud of me?

Now, for an actual question. What’s the best way to get Everton and Jordan Pickford on side?

Everton are best priced at 8/1 to win. You’d imagine if that happens, Pickford will be primed for finding his name into Simon Hooper’s baldy-headed notebook.

• Everton +1.0 Goal Handicap & Jordan Pickford To Be Booked @ 21.00 (20/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

• Everton To Win & Jordan Pickford To Be Booked @ 48.00 (47/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

• Under 0.5 Goals & Jordan Pickford To Be Booked @ 96.00 (95/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

• Everton To Win, Jordan Pickford To Be Booked & Manchester City 25+ Total Shots @ 191.00 (190/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

The rave would be well and truly getting stuck on if these were to win!

DANIEL GRIMSHAW

I think we’d all agree if I was to say Plymouth are pure manure. They stink. Rotten. Then they go and draw 3-3 with play-off contenders Middlesbrough. After grabbing a point off former club and country teammate Michael Carrick, Wayne Rooney now pits his wits against a former club rival and country teammate Frank Lampard. For a long time, these two were the best at what they did in England and will be forever remembered for it. JUST PLEASE STOP ATTEMPTING TO MANAGE THE PAIR OF YOU! Live footage of the touch-line at the Coventry Building Society Arena has just been leaked below

Again, there’s no surprise if Plymouth (8/1) fail to win, in fact they might not even have a shot on target. But after Frank Lampard oversaw his Coventry side lose 4-1 vs. Portsmouth and if he persists with Bradley Collins in goal, Plymouth could well snatch a victory and we could hope for some Grimshaw tomfoolery if that is the case.

• Plymouth To Win & Daniel Grimshaw To Be Booked @ 43.00 (42/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

• Everton To Win & Jordan Pickford To Be Booked, Plymouth To Win & Daniel Grimshaw To Be Booked @ 2064.00 (2063/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET

PLAYER CARDS

SEAMUS COLEMAN TO BE CARDED (11/2) - SKYBET

Everton’s club captain is likely to be thrown in at the deep end on Boxing Day as Ashley Young is suspended after picking up his 5th yellow card of the campaign. The Irishman will be rustier than that Modern Warfare 2 map. Tasked with marking either Jeremy Doku or Jack Grealish, I won’t bore you to death with the pedantic fouled per 90 stats. Just kick them like the real Sheamus would, Coleman. There’s the possibility that Coleman doesn’t start, but I’m not sure Nathan Patterson even exists anymore. He’s gone down the Tyrell Malacia injury route. A shame really as the Patterson and Grealish card double would have been free money!

MAKHTAR GUEYE TO BE BOOKED (9/2) - BET365

Blackburn’s Senegalese striker absolutely loves a foul. 1.4 fouls per game translates to 3.2 fouls per 90 minutes in The Championship this term, committing a foul once every 27.9 minutes and he now faces a Sunderland side with some brutes in that back line who will give as much as they get. With the likes of Dan Ballard and Luke O’Nien, some lottery tickets may have a chance here. Gueye and O’Nien both to get sent off is singing sweet Michael Buble melodies in my ear!

4 yellows and a red card in 781 minutes of Championship footy for Gueye. That includes 3 yellow cards in his last 4 games, started the last two games and was carded in them both. You are Gueye, why are you Gueye?

MANCHESTER UNITED CANNOT DEFEND SET-PIECES UNDER RUBEN AMORIM

Premier League games since Amorim took charge:

• IPSWICH - No goal conceded from a set-piece.

• EVERTON - No goal conceded from a set-piece.

• ARSENAL - Jurrien Timber scored a header from a Declan Rice assisted corner & William Saliba scored from a corner-kick routine which was headed back across the box by Thomas Partey.

• NOTTINGHAM FOREST - Nikola Milenkovic scored a header from an Elliot Anderson assisted corner.

• MANCHESTER CITY - Josko Gvardiol scored from a Kevin De Bruyne cross after a short-corner which took a slight deflection.

• BOURNEMOUTH - Dean Huijsen scored a header from a Ryan Christie assisted corner.

They now face a rejuvenated Wolves side who won their first game 3-0 under new boss Vitor Pereira. Rayan Ait-Nouri returns from suspension and the FA have yet to contact Wolves about any potential ban for Matheus Cunha, so, it’s looking likely that the Brazilian should be eligible to play on Boxing Day. And, you’d imagine after a morale-boosting victory, new gaffer Pereira would stick with the same starting XI.

If that is the case, then I’ll be punting the following and hoping Wolves make it 5 successive PL games that Manchester United have conceded from a set-piece in:

• SANTIAGO BUENO TO SCORE ANYTIME @ 23.00 (22/1) - SKYBET

• SANTIAGO BUENO TO SCORE A BRACE @ 551.00 (550/1) - SKYBET VIA BUILD A BET 🇺🇾

IF Cunha isn’t banned for his post-match antics after his head-loss after Wolves’ loss to Ipswich. Matheus Cunha Anytime Assist & Santiago Bueno To Score a Header is priced at 67.00 (66/1) with Bet365. He doesn’t seem to be priced on the likes of William Hill or Paddy Power, so maybe they know something we don’t. If it’s priced closer to the time, it may be better priced elsewhere. An alternative if Cunha was to be banned depending on line-ups would be Pablo Sarabia assist.

Uruguayan central-defender Santiago Bueno hit the post with a header last time out vs. Leicester from a Matheus Cunha assisted corner in the 69th minute. His only other shot in the Premier League this term was a header that was saved vs. Brighton in the 71st minute following a Pablo Sarabia assisted cross.